


Lost One...Tell Me, Do You Want to Be Found?

by RubyRoo_Proper



Series: Lost One: My (very) belated Valentine's Day Fics [1]
Category: Dress Up! Time Princess (Video Game), Swan Lake & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Heavy Petting, Love Confessions, Mild Sexual Content, Resolved Sexual Tension, Spoilers, Swan Lake - Freeform, They reach third base folks, Touch-Starved Character, dutp, resolved emotional tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29844063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyRoo_Proper/pseuds/RubyRoo_Proper
Summary: After her father suggests Signy choose one of the brothers to marry, Audwin suddenly vanishes without a word. Of course, Signy's not taking that lying down. She'll get it straightened out if it's the last thing she does.(Or, how Signy could have proposed to him.) SPOILER ALERT
Relationships: Audwin/Signy (Dress Up! Time Princess)
Series: Lost One: My (very) belated Valentine's Day Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194050
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Lost One...Tell Me, Do You Want to Be Found?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the first half of the two part installment I originally planned for a belated Valentine's Day special, but it's way too late to even call it that. Still not sure how good it is, but I'm pretty much done with this thing. Well, hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> The titles is the opening lyrics to "The Dark" by Beth Crowley. That song couldn't be better for this pairing if it was written with them specifically in mind.
> 
> The circles "oooOooo" mark the beginning and end of flashbacks

The sun was setting over the kingdom of Warmestal, coloring the few inches of snow in shades of blue and violet tinged with pink. A pretty sight, but not exactly welcoming if you were traveling by foot.

Like Signy.

It never grew very cold in this country. The surface of the lake hadn’t completely frozen over in centuries. But it would get plenty cold at night, and dark, making walking much more difficult and exhaustion harder to ignore.

It was slow going. In her shoulder bag was a jar of magic powder, a compass, half a loaf of bread, and a wand of rowan wood. In her hand was a small stone with a hole naturally bored through the middle that she frequently held up to her eye like a monocle. 

Every so often the view would shimmer and ripple when seen through the hag stone, upon which Signy would pull out the rowan stick and wave it through, causing the image to dissipate and reveal a different path. If she wasn’t entirely sure which direction to take, she would toss a pinch of the magic powder, uttering the incantation she’d been taught, and the pattern it fell in would point where she needed to go.

All the while, she pondered what to do when she found him.

Undoubtedly, she would yell a little, and cry. Then either kiss or strangle him, she was still undecided.

All this because of some stupid misunderstanding. Because some as-of-yet unknown person had eavesdropped and couldn’t keep their big mouth shut.

Signy would find out who, and then give them a piece of her mind.

But that was not her priority. Right now, all she could focus on was undoing the hurt caused by the gossip.

First things first. She had to find Audwin.

**oooOooo**

_(Seven days ago…)_

This whole mess started when her father asked that pivotal question.

“The two brothers refuse to leave the castle. Is there one you fancy?”

To say it took Signy off guard was putting it very mildly. “Wait… what?!”

“You mean you haven’t considered it?” Edward XII looked genuinely confused.

“No, I haven’t!” Heat filled her face.

“Well, you’ve taken a far better liking to both twins than any of the other candidates. We thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

“I… I really don’t…”

“Clearly you need some time to think this over.” The Chief Minister said, taking pity on her bemusement. “There’s still two weeks before your coming of age.”

“Two weeks.” She felt like collapsing in her chair.

“I know it still doesn’t feel like enough time.” Her father gently took her hand. “But I’m sure you’ll come to the right answer before too long.”

Signy chewed on her lip.

It was true that she was willing to marry Aldous within days of learning his real identity and the conditions of his curse. But everything had changed drastically in the six months since then.

“I’m sorry to throw that responsibility on you, sweetheart.” Her father said remorsefully.

“I’ll… I’ll be fine. It’s… just a lot to take in.”

“Don’t let anyone pressure you.” He stated with his most kingly voice. “Like I said, follow your heart.”

Therein lay the problem. Signy wasn’t sure what her heart was telling her. 

* * *

“…Signy? Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes I heard you! Quit asking!”

Aldous jumped a little, and she felt bad for snapping. “Sorry.”

He cocked his head to the side, a very bird-like mannerism she pretended not to notice. “Are you okay? You seem…uh, distracted.”

Signy frowned down at the paperwork and forms he was helping her wade through, shuffling and rearranging a few as if they needed to be in any particular order. “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Well, clearly. Any way I can help?”

She smiled ruefully. “I’m afraid you can’t this time.”

Aldous returned the smile, shrugging. “Well, I’m sure you’ll sort it all out, whatever it is. Though talking about it might help. Not with me, necessarily, but _someone._ ” 

“Maybe.”

“In the meantime, why don’t we save all this for later?” He gestured to the piles of forms. “It’s really hard to go through when your head’s not in it.”

“It’s already getting backlogged…” Signy protested.

“We’ve already been at this for two hours.” He gently took the pen from her hand. “It’s high time for a break anyway.”

She gave an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, very well.” But she couldn’t help but smile.

Minutes later Signy was bundled up and walking through the castle gardens while she contemplated the dilemma that was taking all her attention.

It had only been a few hours since her father presented the question, and she hadn’t been able to get it out of her mind. The answer was proving more elusive than her well-meaning parent probably thought it would be.

For one thing, she wasn’t even sure if she loved either brother that way. Yes, she did love them as dear friends and companions with whom she’d experienced a lot of life-changing events (most of which they had orchestrated themselves), but beyond that…

And even if she did know, her own wants came second to what was best for Warmestal, and the brothers themselves. Not including Aldous’s... unique situation.

Yes, he was still ensorcelled, but she held hope that she could eventually persuade Audwin to remove the enchantment.

Audwin…

An automatic wave of fondness swept through her at the thought of that strange, endearing man.

The ways he’d changed in the half year since they met were nothing short of astounding. The creative, caring soul hidden beneath a lifetime of pain and neglect was coming to the light a little more each passing day.

But it was still fragile.

Yes, she’d grown to really care for him, and he clearly held strong feelings for her. But he was so new to interpersonal relationships, Signy couldn’t be sure if he truly loved her that way, or was simply feeling infatuation toward the first person to show him true kindness.

She was interrupted from her musings by the flapping of large wings behind her.

_Speak of the Devil…_

Signy turned around just as the smoke enveloped his owl form, then cleared to reveal Audwin wearing a full winter cloak and an amused grin. “Got tired of Aldous’s droning already? That’s a new record.”

“Not quite.” Signy grinned and crossed her arms. “I had trouble focusing, so he told me to take a breather.”

“Yes, his presence does have a rather soporific effect.”

She rolled her eyes. “Never mind.”

He walked alongside her as she continued down the pathway. “You seemed preoccupied.”

“It’s nothing. Just something I discussed with Father and Uncle Arthur this morning.”

“Can I ask what?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell anyone.”

“Ah. Highly confidential.”

“In a way.”

They walked in comfortable silence for a while. She couldn’t help but think the longer cape made him look even more birdlike.

“Can I ask you a random question?”

He shrugged. “Why not?”

“Why the cloak? Can’t you just keep warm with magic?”

He smiled. “I’m doing both.”

“Really?”

“I try to ration out my magic, for lack of a better term, in case of an emergency. But this cloak on its own is too light to provide proper warmth, and a heavier one weighs me down. So, I use a little of both.”

“Huh. Clever.”

Early on, he’d been wary of her questions, afraid of giving away too much. But over time he grew to appreciate her interest.

In fact, there was a time he’d been suspicious of any kindness people showed him. It was difficult to get past the mindset that humans were only nice when they wanted something from him, or that anything truly good that happened to him wouldn't last. 

“I’ve wondered about something.” Audwin said. “If you could have powers like mine, what would you use them for?”

She’d already thought about this a time or two. “I’d probably use them to make things easier for the less fortunate in Warmestal.”

“Naturally, but what else?”

“I would use them to make my own duties easier. Everything that required my signature getting signed all at once with the snap of my fingers, lost office supplies would always be found again, I could make my own ballgowns without any more visits from dressmakers or seamstresses…”

“Perhaps I should rephrase that. What non-duty-related, less practical things would you do?”

“I have to think about my responsibilities _sometimes_ , you know. I’ve already spent the first eighteen years of my life running away from them.”

It sounded a little bleaker than she meant.

Audwin looked down at her with a frown, studying her face.

“I’m not annoyed with you.” Signy assured him. “It’s just… I can’t keep it far from my thoughts. I want the first thing on my mind to be, ‘What’s best for the kingdom?’.”

“Sounds… tiring.” He remarked, seriously.

“It is. But I have so many wonderful people helping me. Even you, to some degree.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the surprise on his face. “Um, how exactly?”

“Just being around, talking to me, and being my friend. It really helps.”

“Oh.” He still looked a little puzzled, but seemed pleased. “Then, you’re welcome, I guess.”

His arm lightly brushed hers. Unintentional? Or a social outcast’s first step into physical affection? Either way, Signy’s smile widened. 

"Well," He started. "I'm about to head to the woods to collects some supplies. You could come along, orrr..." He looked askance at her. 

"I'd love to. Oh, but I can't be gone too long..." 

"Why not? He told you to take a break, didn't he?" 

"I'm pretty sure he didn't mean a very long one." 

"Did he actually give you a time limit?" 

Signy rolled her eyes. "Forget sorcerer, you should've been a lawyer." 

He grinned, as if knowing already she'd give in. 

"For a little while." Signy conceded.

"Fantastic." He grabbed her hand and suddenly a huge gust of wind seemed to blow the two of them off their feet. She gave a yelp and automatically clung to him with both arms. 

"Relax," He spoke above the wind. "I figured you'd prefer this to becoming a sparrow and getting a crash course in flying." 

"Don't say 'crash'!"

They flew just a few feet from the ground, like leaves in a small breeze. Before long they were outside the open gates and landing lightly on their feet. 

"Show off!" But she was giggling. 

"Honestly, what a fuss." He pretended to sniff, but still held her hand as they walked into the trees. 

**oooOooo**

It was almost completely dark now. Certainly dark enough to warrant the lantern, meaning Signy had to frequently put it down and pick it up again when using the powder or rowan wand, making the whole thing go even slower.

A few animals peered out at her curiously, as if wondering what kind of human would be crazy enough to traverse the deep woods unaccompanied on a winter evening.

It would be better if she went alone, the enchantress told her. He would be skittish as a wounded deer. Only the one person he trusted above all else would be able to calm Audwin and get him to see reason. At the time, Signy agreed readily, but now she was starting to wonder if it was wise.

Then again, rationality had no place in a mess like this.

So she just continued with no company except the sound of her boots crunching in the snow, occasionally talking to herself or the odd squirrel or bird.

A faint whuffling sound from the brush startled her.

Signy froze in place, wondering if she should snuff out the lantern.

A strange dark shape scurried away, and she relaxed. The bears were hibernating, so it was most likely one of Audwin’s creations.

He’d set all the non-avian familiars loose in the woods, though not before magically removing any hostility to humans beyond self-defense. Tales of these strange beasts would probably be passed down from generation to generation, long after they’d all died out, like stories of unicorns and dragons.

_“I saw it! I saw one of the Owls Sorcerer’s creatures!”_

_“Don’t be daft. He’s been dead for centuries, there can’t be any left.”_

_“I swear it! The thing was massive!”_

Since he’d severed his magic bonds with them, he had less eyes in the forest, which meant he’d be less likely to see her coming. Although there wasn’t much he could do to throw her off the trail. Just create more disorienting illusions that she could navigate through thanks to the items loaned to her by the Sorceress, nothing that could truly harm or frighten her.

She just had to keep her eyes peeled for crows.

**oooOooo**

_(Four days ago…)_

Three days of thinking, and Signy was hardly closer to a decision.

There were so many pros and cons to picking both brothers, and so many factors to take into account.

And, no matter what she decided, someone was going to get hurt.

It was enough to keep her up some nights.

Aldous was clearly the wisest choice. He’d admitted to loving her for years, was someone she trusted implicitly, even when he hadn’t been up front about things he should’ve been (like, say, _his relation to the man who cursed him_ ), he admitted his mistakes and was willing to right them.

He was also her first true friend, who understood her more than most and had been the listening ear she’d needed when she vented. And, very importantly, he was a born ruler and had diligently helped Signy stay focused on her duties.

But could she really marry him, now that there was no absolute need? Could she even picture having a family with him?

Aldous would slip into the roles of consort and father effortlessly, Signy was sure. But, truth be told, she had trouble imagining the two of them being physically intimate. The thought of sharing anything more than perhaps a small kiss felt so _weird._ She’d assumed attraction might grow with time, but six months later it didn’t seem to be happening.

So what about Audwin? Could he be a Prince Consort, as well as Signy’s lover, dearest companion, and the father of her children?

Well, the answer to that was complicated.

The biggest struggle for him would be the role of Royal Consort. He’d made it perfectly clear he had no interest in wielding political power during their farcical engagement. Just living in a castle full of people was something he had trouble adjusting to. 

He’d probably chafe at the responsibilities and expectations assigned to the second-most important person in Warmestal.

He was, however, someone Signy considered a close and trusted companion. After opening up to her little by little, she found him easy to talk to, someone who had no expectations of her except simply to be herself, flaws and all, something even Aldous himself hadn’t completely mastered, as he sometimes treated her almost like a ward or student with much potential and just needed to try harder…

As for fatherhood, the idea wasn’t as strange as it would’ve been months ago. Contrary to common assumption, Audwin didn’t hate or even dislike children. He even seemed to hold an unexpected soft spot for them, though he’d probably deny it for appearance’s sake.

The children of the castle staff had been quicker to accept him than the adults, possibly rationalizing that anyone the princess liked couldn’t be _that_ bad. Though he’d been baffled at first by their fascination, he indulged their requests for demonstrations, tricks, and stories, usually with obviously feigned reluctance and a huff of, “Oh very well, if you insist on pestering me…” Though he clearly enjoyed the attention.

Actually having some of his own would be a steep learning curve, to be sure. But then, Signy got the impression that was the case for everyone.

Which brought her to, well, the _other_ aspect of being married.

Signy had long since come to terms with the fact she was attracted to Audwin, and had been so since they were still enemis. It was much easier to picture kissing him, and probably going farther if she let herself, not that she had… well, not _often_. 

Okay, fine. There were times when it was all she could do to keep it out of her mind.

There were moments when they were alone that she felt some kind of tension that wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, where she became very aware of every little nuance between them. Even when they were enemies, many things he’d said could be construed as flirting. All, that to say, she felt safe in assuming the attraction was mutual.

But attraction by itself wasn’t enough to create a successful marriage.

Besides, marriage seemed like too big a step for him, all things considered. Would it be too soon?

All these thoughts jumbled together in Signy’s mind and made her head ache, as well as her heart.

Finally she decided to take Aldous’s advice and talk to someone about it. 

* * *

“How do you know you truly love someone?”

“Hm?” Ms. Roslin briefly glanced up from her needlework.

“Romantically, I mean.”

The older woman gave a faint smile. “A question for the ages.”

“Is there an answer?”

Roslin’s mouth twisted a bit to the side, the flickering light of the fire dancing across her dignified face. “I think it’s a different answer for each person.”

Signy drooped. “I was afraid of that.”

Her former tutor regarded her warmly. “Is it safe to say this involves two brothers who’ve grown quite fond of you?”

“A bit. Also, Father and Uncle Arthur gave me an ultimatum, perhaps not in so many words, but…”

Roslin clicked her tongue, setting aside her embroidery hoop. “I wondered when this would come about.”

“Father suggested Audwin and Aldous.”

“And the problem with that would be…?”

“I can’t decide between them.”

The other woman actually looked surprised. ‘Really?”

“What do you mean, ‘really’?”

Roslin shook her head. “Nothing. I was just wondering… don’t you have a preference?”

“It’s not that simple. I also have to think of what’s best for them and Warmestal.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I…” She twisted her fingers in her lap. “I’m not sure.”

“I see.” Ms. Roslin looked into the fire. 

“I care more about either of them than words can say, I trust them, they both make me happy, and vice versa. They would both be good husbands in their own way, but…”

“What are the problems you see?”

She’d never told anyone about these thoughts. It took a bit of effort. “Aldous would be a perfect Prince Consort and father, but I… don’t think I feel particularly attracted to him.”

“And Audwin?”

Signy flushed a bit. “He would be a good husband, in his own way. And I do find him… well…”

“Indeed.” Laughter danced in the older woman’s eyes.

“My biggest concern is whether it would be good for him.”

“That is a question you should take into consideration. He would essentially be sharing you with the kingdom, and not get the attention he probably craves.”

This felt like it was going nowhere. “I’m beginning to think there’s no right answer.” Signy pronounced bleakly.

Roslin shook her head. “If it were up to me, you would have more time to think it over.” She grew thoughtful. “Are you sure you can’t…?”

“I’ve already had six months to think about it! They won’t let me put it off any further!” She felt a lump budding in her throat at the overwhelming weight of her responsibility. “I have no idea what to do!”

Ms. Roslin took Signy’s hands in her own. “Take a step back. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, what with this and your other duties. I think the answer will come to you, but you can’t force it.”

Eyes brimming, Signy leaned forward to hug her mentor. “I can’t afford to mess this up.”

“You can afford to be _human_.” Roslin soothed, rubbing her back. “And you can afford to choose happiness.”

Signy gave a shuddering sigh, feeling a couple of tears make their way down her face.

“Alright.”

The two women sat in comforting silence for a couple of minutes.

Suddenly Ms. Roslin gave a small jolt and noticed something over Signy’s shoulder.

“What is it?”

“The door’s cracked open.”

Signy whipped her head around and saw this was indeed the case. Dread spread icy tendrils through her chest.

“Oh no!”

“I don’t think anyone’s heard.” The older woman hastened to assure her.

But the cold squeeze in Signy’s chest didn’t ease up for many hours.

**oooOooo**

It didn’t turn out quite as dark as Signy feared. There was still plenty of moonlight to reflect off the snow around her.

Her heart clenched at the thought of what Audwin must be going through right now.

She wasn’t worried for his physical wellbeing. A man with the power to command a legion of crows and repel an invading army with just the snap of his fingers had little to fear. It was his emotional state that concerned her.

It wasn’t like Audwin to just run off with his tail between his legs. Something happened, either in his thoughts or due to words from another person. Maybe from Signy herself.

Thankfully, her surroundings were beginning to look familiar. Granted, she’d only been to the forest tower once, and that was months ago. But if she looked carefully, she could recognize certain landmarks, even those half-hidden by snow.

To make certain, though, she looked at her surroundings through the hag stone again.

That was her first mistake. The second was taking a few steps forward.

The thing about walking around with only one eye open, looking through what amounts to a keyhole, was that it blocked one’s view of the ground and smaller obstacles.

Suddenly the ground sloped down enough to unbalance Signy, her ankle twisting painfully.

Next thing she knew, she was falling face first through a thin crust of ice into a creek of bitterly cold water that muffled her strangled shriek.

Thankfully, the water was only about knee-deep. Just enough to break her fall and prevent further injury. But it was more than enough to soak completely through her clothes.

After a bit of floundering and some very unladylike words, she dragged her sopping self to the bank, shivering violently as the cold cut through her like a knife. A quick check proved that she’d lost the hag stone, the container holding the magic powder was broken, and, oh yes, her lantern was snuffed out. 

Forget kissing Audwin. She was going to strangle him, just as soon as the feeling returned to her hands.

**oooOooo**

_(Three days ago…)_

She had one of those dreams again. 

They happened off and on at the most damned strange moments. Sometimes they came as thoughts unbidden when she was bored, sitting through a long meeting or in the middle of the ocean of paperwork. And they came late at night when she stood at the threshold of true sleep and simply dozing. 

Images of cloaking darkness, eyes a color unnatural but lovely. A voice smooth and deep and sinful as it murmured low in her ear. A long, lithe body stretched over hers... sometimes clothed, sometimes not, sometimes she couldn't tell either way... and a wicked mouth hovering scant millimeters from her skin. 

She'd never been afraid in these dreams, or even angry. There was just excitement, yet a feeling of safety. Even months ago when she had every reason to be frightened and ashamed by these lurid fantasies and the fact they starred her bitter enemy, there was no fear in them. 

Tonight, though, it was a little more graphic than normal. She felt alien sensations that she'd never experienced in real life and wondered how her subconscious was able to create them. The feeling of him all around her... _in_ her... without clothes or even air between them. The feelings in the dream weren't urgent but soft and warm, lingering.

Signy woke up feeling aching and embarrassed, like always. Rather than help clear her Dilemma, it muddied the waters further. Having erotic dreams about someone wasn't a good enough reason to marry them, but it made thinking of anyone else very difficult.

And it made facing the person in those dreams incredibly awkward. 

Normally, her chats with Audwin were some of her favorite times of day, as they gave her a chance to unwind from her growing list of responsibilities. But right now she was using most of her mental faculties to not think about how that voice sounded purring in her ear and how those eyes looked dark with...

Alright, she really needed to stop that now.

But when he mentioned her upcoming birthday, she found a subject to distract herself with.

"I never thought to ask, when is _your_ birthday?”

“Same as Aldous’s.”

“Well yes, that goes without saying, you being twins and all. But he’s never told me.”

“Why? What are you planning?”

“I don’t know yet.”

He didn’t look too enthusiastic.

“Do you not want to celebrate your birthday?” Signy asked carefully.

“It brings up some memories that… I’m not fond of.”

“Did you ever celebrate it while you were a child?”

Audwin shrugged. “In a manner of speaking. My caretakers would tell me I was a year older, bring me my favorite foods, and I’d get a new toy or book. It was enough to make me look forward to it.”

Signy wondered if that was arranged by his parents. “I’m glad you got _something_.”

“Now, it just reminds me of the reasons I was locked away in the first place.”

“I’m sorry to bring it up.”

“You didn’t know.”

She studied his profile. “Maybe, we could make new memories to associate with it.”

“If you want.” He replied noncommittally.

Signy once thought it was her imagination, but she now realized his eyes did indeed change color and brightness with his moods, a peculiar (but handy) side effect of the magic he now had in his veins.

When he was angry or agitated they glowed bright red, when he was excited they turned a garnet color, at times when he seemed sad they turned a dark and dull purplish gray, and when he was content they turned a very deep, plum color, like they were now.

She’d sometimes wondered what their natural color was. Had they been brown, like Aldous’s? Or something else entirely?

In that dream they'd been bright garnet-red. 

_Damn it!_

Then he caught her staring. “What?”

"Oh, nothing." She sighed. "Just thinking... about eyes." 

"Eyes?" 

"Yes." 

"... _My_ eyes, perchance?" 

"What's their natural color?" 

"I don't know. Something dark. I didn't have any mirrors in the tower, so I only saw my reflection in water." 

"Oh."

She looked down at his hand that was closest to her. Wondering if he’d mind if she…

Taking a plunge, she lightly placed her own hand over it.

Audwin grew still.

He swallowed audibly. But didn’t pull away. He slowly turned the hand palm up and let their fingers slot together.

She felt silly for thinking it, but Audwin had very elegant hands. Slender, strong, long-fingered. At the moment they weren’t hidden by his gloves like normal, and she could see little details like scars, callouses, and that the ring and little finger of his right were slightly crooked, probably from a past injury. 

God knew what else those hands could do.

_Stop it!_

“March eleventh.” He said suddenly

“W-What?”

“That’s when our birthday is.”

“Oh," She cleared her throat. "Okay then.”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye “You’re not planning a surprise party, are you?”

“Heaven’s no.” Signy giggled. “I’m guessing neither of you would like that kind of thing.”

He turned his head, lip curling into that trademark smirk. “Maybe if the right person threw it…”

She realized distantly that she was staring at his mouth. It was really close. 

She'd been kissing it in her dream, feeling it on her skin.

What would he do if she leaned forward and …?

“Signy?”

She was jerked awake. “Sorry! I’m sorry! I wasn’t…!”

“Sorry about what?” He looked vaguely concerned.

“…Nothing.” She willed her heart to beat slower. “I… I just remembered something I need to do, sorry.”

Before he could ask any further questions she jumped up and hurried off, like a coward.

It was one thing to imagine kissing someone.

Planning to was something else altogether. 

**oooOooo**

Signy had never been colder in her entire life.

With no light, all she could do was make her way in the direction she was initially headed, waving the rowan wand in front of her to disperse any possible illusions, and hope she could find him within the next hour. Otherwise…

Her digits hurt so much they felt like they might fall off. But when they went numb completely, that was when she should worry.

She shouldn’t have come all this way by herself, she thought as her teeth chattered violently and her body tried to curl in on itself. If she’d had any reasoning left in her brain, she would’ve had both Aldous and her guard friend (Ben, she now knew he was called) come along until the last leg. They would keep each other safe after separating from her, and they certainly would’ve prevented her from falling into a frozen creek like an idiot.

But she hadn’t been thinking. Not really. Not since Audwin went missing.

And now, it was quite possible she was going to die out here looking for him.

He'd never forgive himself. And Aldous would never forgive himself for not insisting on coming along.

_Dear Lord, if nothing else, please let me get through this for their sakes._

**oooOooo**

_(Twenty-four hours ago…)_

Something was terribly wrong.

Signy had not seen either of the twins all day. Not Aldous in his swan form, not since they’d finished their usual session last night, and not Audwin in any form.

This was not normal.

Audwin was nearby almost every time she had a spare moment, pretending he was just passing by or showing her something, maybe telling her about a funny thought he’d had. And Aldous always bid her good day as a swan. They always saw her at least once a day, and at least once a night.

Nobody had seen hide nor hair, or feather, of either prince. The garden pond was empty, as was the library, and nobody answered when she knocked on the doors to their rooms.

It all sat wrong with her. And when Signy went looking for them, the feeling grew. 

She kept remembering her talk with Roslin, and that strange moment when she almost kissed Audwin. Did either of those have anything to do with it? Had she frightened him off? But that didn’t account for Aldous. 

In desperation she even went into their rooms, feeling guilty for trespassing on their spaces. Audwin’s especially, since, as someone who’d lived alone all but the last six months of his life, coveted his privacy like a dragon guarded its hoard and didn’t even let the servants in to clean (not that it was necessary, as his magic kept the rooms tidy and in good repair).

But this was a huge emergency. And she was certain they would understand.

Aldous’s room was undisturbed. But Audwin’s was missing all his personal effects: books, knickknacks, plants, instruments, feathers, everything that said he’d been here had vanished.

But it wasn’t completely empty. 

What sounded like a faint snore led her to the couch facing the room’s fireplace, and there, to her relief and confusion, lay Aldous, fast asleep. 

“Aldous?”

He didn’t stir.

“Aldous, wake up!” Signy gave him a firm shake. “Please!”

At first he only gave a faint grunt and scrunched his face, but after another shake his eyes blinked open. “Huh?”

“Aldous, are you alright?”

He squinted, disoriented. “Signy? What’re y…?” Then his eyes were all the way open. “Audwin!”

“What about Audwin?”

“Where is he?” Aldous struggled to sit up.

“I don’t know! I was about to ask you!”

He looked wildly around the room. “Oh damn it! He’s gone!”

Her stomach sank like a rock. “Gone? W-what do you mean…?”

“He left! I tried to stop him but he…!” Aldous groaned and put a hand to his head. “He must’ve hit me with something!”

Signy clapped a hand over her mouth.

This couldn’t be happening. There had to be some mistake.

“What happened? What do you remember?”

He made a pained expression. “It’s all a muddle.”

She struggled to remain calm. “Don’t force yourself, just tell me as they come to you.”

Aldous sat there, looking sick. “I came in here… he looked angry. I remember that much.”

Signy bit her lip and nodded.

“He was packing his things…. With magic. Making them small and putting it all into one bag.” Aldous squeezed his eyes shut. “I asked what was going on and he told me to leave and mind my own business.” 

Pain lanced through her and her hands clenched in her skirt.

“I kept pressing… and he finally said something like, ‘We were all just kidding ourselves! I don’t belong here and never will!’ Maybe not those exact words but…. “

“What then?”

“I kept telling him we didn’t want him to leave… kept trying to persuade him. Finally he acted like he was willing to talk about it. Then I looked away and…” Aldous grimaced. “That’s the last thing I remember."

“When was this?”

He closed his eyes. “Not sure. About half-past six, I think.”

“It’s almost six o’clock now! You’ve been asleep for nearly twenty-four hours!”

“I have?!” He buried his face in his hands. “Oh good Lord, he could be halfway to Glorion by now!”

Signy felt like she was falling off a cliff.

Why?

Why did he just leave like this, without saying goodbye?

What happened?

“Oh,” Aldous gasped. “I… I think I remember something else…!”

“What? What do you remember?”

“He said something about a wedding…”

“Wedding?!”

He nodded. “I think it was, ‘I’ll free you before your wedding’ whatever the dickens that means.”

Signy felt ill. “Oh no…”

“So you do know what it means?”

“Damn it all!” Her fist hit the armrest angrily. “Why didn't I think to check that damn door?!”

“What are you talking about?” Aldous asked, not looking at all surprised by her stronger language.

“I know what this is about!” A lump formed in Signy’s throat. “I know what upset him so much!”

“What?” Aldous leaned closer.

There was no use hiding it from him now. “A few days ago, my father and Uncle Arthur reminded me that I still need to pick a husband, preferably in time for my birthday. Then Father suggested that I…” She closed her eyes. “… That I consider you and Audwin.”

Aldous inhaled sharply. “T-to marry?!”

“Yes.”

“Uh… um…”

“ _Anyway,_ ” She resumed. “The other day I was just talking with Ms. Roslin about it, then she noticed we hadn’t completely closed the door!”

Her friend’s eyes grew wide. “Oh no! You think…!”

“Someone must’ve heard, and then Audwin caught wind of it somehow!”

“What do we do?”

“Find him! Get this all cleared up!” Signy jumped to her feet. “We should start with his tower! If he’s not there, it might give us some clues…”

“Do you remember how to find it?”

“I’ve been in those woods a million times! Come on, we’ve already lost precious time!” 

**oooOooo**

How long had she been wandering? Several minutes? An hour? Two hours?

Was she even really headed in the direction she’d initially been aiming for, or had she somehow gotten off course?

It was hard to cognate with the lack of sleep she’d had all these hours. At first the freezing cold helped keep her more alert, but now it was emphasizing her tiredness, the added weight of her sodden clothes and bag pulling her down.

By now the chill had seeped down to her bones, she was sure. If she somehow survived, Signy wondered if she’d ever feel warm again.

If she hadn’t panicked, if she’d stopped to think a little more…

But no. Finding out Audwin had tried to sneak away without even giving the reason why… without even telling her… had ripped a hole in her chest. And she hadn’t given much thought to anything but finding him and fixing whatever went wrong.

“Always figured my impulsiveness might be the death of me.” She said to herself, tired of the quiet around her. “Seems I was right.”

The woods at night looked creepier during the winter, with their branches bare of leaves and everything soft covered with ice. Several times her clothes got caught on something, or she felt sticks and thorns scratch her frozen skin and wondered if it should be hurting more than it did.

Her brain kept taking a morbid turn and picturing someone discovering her body, frozen solid and pale blue. Would it be days from now? Weeks?

Dear God, what if it was Audwin who found her? The sheer torment he would go through was unthinkable.

Then she heard… something. Very faint. Very far away.

Signy looked up, squinted.

Was that a light up ahead?

She began praying desperately that her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her, and headed in that direction.

Over the chattering of her teeth, she thought she heard a crow.

_Please be him! Please be him!_

Yes, it was most definitely a light, moving in a slow, unnaturally even line. It had to be something magical, she just knew it.

Then, Signy heard the voice she’d been missing.

“SIGNY! ARE YOU THERE?”

She almost sobbed from the wave of relief washing over her. “AUDWIN! OVER HERE!”

She ran in the direction of the light and voice, the cold almost forgotten. There was definitely a crow cawing, hopping from branch to branch to guide its master toward her.

Finally she could make out his silhouette beside a floating orb of light, his gaze sweeping back and forth. Even from this distance the anxiety in his face was visible.

“I SEE YOU!” Signy yelled, waving her arms to increase her visibility. “OVER HERE!”

He looked at her and his relief was palpable even from where she stood. “I see you!” 

Signy tried to move closer, but tripped on a root and fell. Apparently her body took that as a sign to just quit, her limbs trembling too much to stand again. “Damn!”

“What happened?!” Audwin yelled.

“I can’t get up.” She groaned.

“I’m close! Hold on!”

The crow flew to a branch right above her head, and suddenly Audwin was right there.

He’d only been missing for roughly two days and nights, but she’d missed him so much. Already tears swam before her vision, blurring the view of his anxious face.

“Are you injured anywhere?” He grasped her by the arms and lifted her back to her feet, examining her.

She only managed to shake her head before flinging her arms around him, making him freeze as she released a sound into his shirt that was a laugh and sob rolled into one.

“Oh thank God, I found you!”

After a tense moment, Audwin somewhat awkwardly put his arms around her. But only a moment later nudged her away, looking furious.

“You infuriating, stubborn woman! What were you thinking?”

“What was I thinking? What were _you_ thinking?! Running off like that and putting Aldous to sleep! You didn’t even say goodbye!”

“That doesn’t mean you should be running around halfcocked, letting yourself freeze to death!”

She felt his hands trembling, and realized he’d come out without his cloak or gloves.

He said nothing for several minutes.

Finally he asked in a strained voice, “How long have you been out here?”

“Hours! I’ve been looking for you on and off for the last one day and two nights!”

His mouth opened and closed, several emotions flashing through his face in quick succession. Finally his expression grew shuttered. “Come on, you need to get warm.”

Signy bit her lip, not protesting when he lifted her into his arms. Pride was smothered by exhaustion.

Suddenly a buzzing sensation covered her skin, followed by amazing warmth that sank down clear into her muscles. Her digits, nose, and ears stung as circulation returned.

“Ohhh, thank you.” Signy looped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes.

Audwin said nothing, just started walking in the direction he’d come.

She was half-asleep by the time they reached the tower, the door opening and closing with the help of magic. The inside was surprisingly warm, with a fire crackling in the hearth, giving the normally gloomy interior a pleasant glow. 

She was carried upstairs to the loft, where yet another fire burned in the fireplace by his bed. Audwin set her down in one of the chairs.

“You need to get out of those wet clothes.” He rummaged in a chest and pulled out the faded black shirt and gray woolen trousers he used for sleeping clothes (because he thought pajamas and nightshirts looked ridiculous). “This is all I have”

“It’s perfect.” Signy tried to give him a reassuring smile without chattering her teeth.

He kept his gaze averted as he returned to the stairs. “Get into bed when you’re done. I’ll bring something hot in a few minutes.”

“Sounds wonderful."

Signy wasted no time in stripping out of her wet things and into the dry garments. She had a bit of a challenge with the trousers, cuffing and rolling up the legs several times before they were short enough for her to shuffle over to the bed without treading on them, holding them up by the waist. Thankfully the shirt was made to show less skin than his usual tunic, otherwise things would’ve been very awkward. She let out a happy sigh as she slid under the covers and wrapped them around herself.

Once again, sleep beckoned, and she closed her eyes for a little bit. Thankfully, Audwin was back up with a steaming mug of what smelled like valerian and lemon balm before she could drift off completely.

“Here.” He handed her the mug.

“Thank you.” She took a few sips and relished the warmth spreading out from her belly. While she did, Audwin examined her fingers and toes, probably looking for frostbite. To her untrained eye, it didn’t look serious. Her digits were red and raw, but getting feeling back to them.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” He asked, pulling the blankets back up.

“Just a few muscle aches. I think I’ll be fine with some rest.”

“Good.” Wearily he got to his feet and started tending the fire.

Normally, he would’ve made a big to-do about her reckless behavior, released his worry and concern in the form of scolding and stating what a feather-brained act it was.

But right now he was conspicuously silent, clearly torn between seeing if she was really alright and wanting to leave the room.

“We don’t have to discuss it right now.” Signy said gently.

He went very still.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Even from here she could see his grip tighten on the poker handle. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He stated with measured calmness. “I got sick of living there with all those people, always having to watch what I said and did. I belong out here, alone.”

The last word carried a bitter after-note.

“That’s fine. But you still could’ve told us, instead of trying to sneak away.”

“You both would’ve made a fuss.” He poked the burning wood with more force than necessary.

“That’s still no reason to knock Aldous unconscious.”

He looked over his shoulder with an affronted expression that in any other setting would’ve made her laugh. “I didn’t ‘knock’ him unconscious! I put a sleeping spell on him, then dragged his heavy body to the couch rather than just leaving him on the floor!” 

“Whatever you call it, it was very underhanded of you.”

“Well, what do you expect from a dark sorcerer?” He put the poker back in its holding place.

“I expect very little from a dark sorcerer. But I expect much more from _Audwin_.”

“I have news for you, we’re the same person.”

“I know. And I’m glad. But it still hurt me, a lot, when they… he… left like that and didn’t even say goodbye.”

In spite of his shuttered expression, Signy was sure she saw remorse in his eyes.

“This is all because if that conversation I had with Ms. Roslin, isn’t it?”

His face did an odd little spasm. “This has hardly anything to do with it! I have plenty of reasons to…”

“Audwin, I’ve just spent the last twenty-four hours looking for you, worried sick, almost gave myself hypothermia and frostbite, and lost some tools graciously loaned to me by the Sorceress! I think I deserve the truth!”

His fingers curled and a muscle worked itself in his jaw. Finally Audwin sat down heavily in a chair with a sigh.

“You want the truth? Fine. I heard all about your dilemma from a couple of castle maids. One of them overheard your conversation, and she said you were conflicted to the point of tears. So, I decided to make your decision easier.”

“In other words, you made it for me.” Signy stated. “Were you really that afraid I wouldn’t pick you?”

“No! I was afraid you _would!_ ”

“You… what?”

“If you did, I couldn’t say no, and I couldn’t let you do that to yourself!”

“Do what to myself?”

“Marry the bastard who ruined your life and tried to rip your kingdom apart just to spite his brother!”

“But you regret doing that! And you’ll never do it again!”

“But I’ll still do terrible things, even when trying not to!” He had a white-knuckle grip on the arm rests. “Can you picture me as a husband and prince consort? I’ll be absolute shite! And don’t even get me started on fatherhood!”

“I _can_ picture you doing those things! I’ve been thinking about it all week! Yes, you’ll have some bumps in the road, but…”

“But I don’t know how to be a decent person!”

“Yes you do! You’ve been learning and growing so much! These last six months, you’ve changed more than most people do in six years! You can’t let your childhood demons take away your joy and rule your life!”

Another pained look went through his face. “It’s too late.”

“No it’s…”

“I’m too broken and it’s too late to fix me.”

“Audwin…!”

“Do yourself and your kingdom a favor. Forget about me, marry Aldous, and have the life you deserve.” His voice was strained, defeated.

“But I don’t love Aldous, I love y…!”

They both froze.

Signy felt something… several somethings… slide into place. 

How close they’d gotten. How happy and utterly at ease she’d grown in his presence. How much the thought of his loneliness hurt. How frantic she’d been when he disappeared. That afternoon when she almost kissed him. The fond, tenderness she felt at the mere thought of him.

Her mind constantly returning to him when she agonized over the problem, and staying there.

This all flashed through her brain in less than a second.

“… _What?_ ” Audwin breathed, face blank.

“I… love… you.” She tried the words on her tongue, and realized they were true.

The weight she’d been carrying this whole week suddenly lifted. She felt so light and free it almost made her dizzy.

A smile pulled the corners of Signy’s mouth, and an airy laugh bubbled up from her chest. “I love you… I really love you!”

It seemed to obvious now. Why hadn’t she noticed?

_I missed the forest for the trees._

Something almost hopeful flickered in Audwin’s eyes, but was quickly replaced by something closer to panic.

“No… no you don’t! You just think you do!”

“No, it’s true! I really lo…!”

“You’re confused!” He interrupted, practically speaking through clenched teeth. “Whatever this is, it’s not…Listen to me: you’re tired and probably getting sick from the cold. What you think you’re feeling at this moment isn’t real!”

“Yes it is! You don’t have to love me back, but stop telling me what I do or don’t really feel!”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, hands clenching into fists and getting a look in his eye that reminded her of an injured animal.  
“Audwin, please…”

He shook his head and that guarded expression returned. “You need rest. We both do.” He seemed to be pushing the words through his mouth by force. “Go to sleep. Tomorrow… we’ll both see things more clearly.”

Signy wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, to scream, to cry.

But none of that would convince him right now. If anything, it would cement the belief further in his mind that she was getting her feelings all mixed up.

Swallowing, she nodded. “Fine.”

Audwin rose and started collecting her wet clothes. “Is there… anything else you need?” He asked in that stilted voice.

“No, but thank you.”

“Goodnight then.” He immediately headed downstairs.

“Goodnight.”

She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps, then squeezed her eyes shut and let the tears leak through.

She’d known it had to be more than fear of rejection chasing him away.

Her entire being was in a jumble. Mere minutes ago she’d had the terrifying and beautiful realization that she loved him, and the joy it brought was suddenly weighed down by the sorrow that he couldn’t make himself believe it.

Oh God, she wanted so badly to hold him, to say it again and again, to kiss him and tell him it would all be alright.

But how could someone rejected his whole life accept it when someone did the opposite?

**oooOooo**

_(Nineteen hours ago…)_

Unfortunately, between alerting Father and the Chief Minister, helping them think of a cover-up story should anyone else in the castle wonder where Signy and the brothers went, gathering supplies, and bundling up for the snow, it was at least two hours before they finally set out.

Even in the dead of winter, blizzards were a rarity in this country. Signy once again felt grateful to not live in a colder climate, because this was going to be challenging enough in the dark with everything covered in white.

Five fruitless hours later, they began to realize just how challenging. In her desperation and high emotions, Signy had overestimated her own memory of the route she’d taken only once, several months ago, before the snow fell and made everything look different. 

But then they started to realize something else was at play.

Paths they’d both taken many times led to places they weren’t supposed to, some of them circling back. The needle of the compass would occasionally jump and suddenly point in a different direction when they were going in a straight line, and they kept finding themselves back where they started.

But when they tried looking for the lake or some familiar landmark to get their bearings, everything would suddenly make sense again. Things would be laid out like they always were. It was only when looking for the tower that things grew strange.

“He’s using magic to hide.” Aldous finally voiced what they were both thinking.

Nearing the end of her rope, Signy angrily kicked a lump of snow. “Why? Why is he acting like this? It’s not like him to run and hide!”

“I know. Even if he somehow… thought you might now…” he blushed. “You know.”

“Yes.”

She was grateful he hadn’t asked if she’d made a decision. Maybe he understood it would only add more stress to her. Maybe he didn’t want to know yet.

Aldous frowned at the trees. “Maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe this has nothing to do with… that.”

Signy sighed. “Maybe, but it seems like too much of a coincidence. We’ll never know until we talk to him. But how can we…?”

She gasped as a thought came to her. “The Sorceress!”

“What about her?”

“If anyone can find Audwin right now, it’s her! He’s hiding with magic, so we need magic to find him!”

Aldous snapped his fingers. “That’s right! You mentioned her once! Where does she live?”

“East of the castle!”

Aldous’s face fell. “That’s in the complete opposite direction.”

“Then we’d better get going!” 

* * *

The sun had already began its ascent by the time they found the Sorceress’s cottage. They must’ve made a funny sight, a young woman accompanied by a swan struggling to waddle in the snow.

Clearly the woman had seen them coming. Her door opened before they even reached her gate and she graced them with a warm smile.

“Princess Signy! Prince Aldous! To what to I owe this honor?”

“Dame Sophie, we need your help.” Signy cut to the chase. “If it’s alright with you, of course.”

The old woman nodded. “Of course! I’d love to help any way I can! Come in, come in!”

Dame Sophie looked just like anybody’s grandmother, a medium-sized woman with her silvery hair in a coronet braid and spectacles perched on her nose. The only thing truly unusual about her appearance was her tendency to dress in brighter colors than was customary for older women.

Though in her early sixties, her injuries sustained during the war had aged her and given her a permanent limp, making her appear ten years older.

The inside of her house, like Audwin’s living spaces, was filled with books, bottles, drying herbs, and arcane instruments, only she kept it a bit tidier than he did. “Please, do sit.” She motioned to a table with four chairs. “I’ve taken the liberty of preparing hot chicory tea for you both, if you’d like some.”

“That would be fantastic, thank you.”

Dame Sophie turned to Aldous. “Would it be easier for you to drink if I put yours in a bowl instead?”

Aldous gave an affirmative honk.

The old woman poured the dark, steaming drink into a chipped mug and a shallow bowl and set them before her guests before seating herself across the table. “Now then, how may I help you?”

“Audw… the Owl Sorcerer… went missing two days ago, and we’re trying to find him.”

“Missing, as in…?”

“He left of his own volition. Prince Aldous caught him and tried to talk him out of it, but…”

“Do you know why?”

“We’re pretty sure we do.” Signy wrapped her hands around the mug. “It’s a very personal matter.”

Sophie gestured for her to continue.

“The other night, Prince Aldous found him packing his things away, looking very upset. When Aldous tried talking him out of it, the Owl Sorcerer pretended to be swayed, but then used magic to put him into a deep slumber and ran out. I found Aldous nearly twenty-four hours later, still asleep.”

“Do you have any idea where he might be?”

“Probably his tower in the woods, west of the castle. I’ve been there once, this last June, but what little I remember of how to get there is all turned around and changing. We’re certain he’s using his magic to hide.”

“Why are you trying to get him back if he clearly doesn’t want to stay?”

“Because he doesn’t truly want to leave! It was all a horrible misunderstanding!”

Dame Sophie studied her carefully with brown eyes.

After a minute or two she slowly rose to her feet. “Princess, if I could speak to you in private?”

“Oh, um, alright.”

“I need to take care of my hens anyway.” She grabbed a basket. “Sorry to leave you out, Prince Aldous.”

He moved his wings up and down in a swan approximation of a shrug, making the old woman chuckle.

“You’re a great sport, Your Highness.” 

Once outside, Sophie asked Signy to hold the basket while she collected the bag of chicken feed and lead her to the coop.

“I’m sorry to pry, Your Highness,” She scattered the grains to the eager hens. “But I need to know more about the Sorcerer’s state of mind when he left, or why he left in the first place.”

Signy tightened her hold on the basket handle. “To be honest, we’re not completely sure ourselves. But we know it’s connected to… something he must’ve heard.”

The sorceress nodded, then bent down to start collecting the eggs, placing them one at a time in Signy’s basket. “You don’t have to tell me the details if you don’t want to, but it will make things easier. I swear, I won’t repeat it to another soul.”

Taking a deep breath, Signy told her everything she’d told Aldous. Her father’s suggestion and her talk with Ms. Roslin, as well as her suspicion that the latter event was overheard. While she spoke, the older woman kept watching her the best she could.

With the eggs collected and Signy’s story finished, Dame Sophie finally straightened up and wiped her hands on her apron.

“So, he’s in love with you.” It wasn’t a question.

This was no time to get embarrassed, but heat filled Signy’s face all the same. “I… believe so.”

Dame Sophie hummed under her breath. “Is it true he spent his childhood locked away in a tower and was found by an evil sorcerer?”

“Yes. He was all alone, except for that horrible man.”

Sophie pressed her lips into a thin line. “I think it shouldn’t be too hard to find him. Right now, he’s being guided by strong emotions, most of which are unfamiliar. He’ll be more inclined to make mistakes when covering his tracks.”

Signy perked up. “Really?”

“All you need are a few supplies to counteract the enchantments, and maybe turn your clothes inside-out.”

“Inside-out? I thought that only repelled fairies.”

“It works on most kind of magic.” She grew solemn, looking Signy in the eyes. “And what do you plan to do once you find him?”

“I… it depends.”

“How do you know he’ll come back with you?”

“I don’t. I just want him to understand...” it then occurred to her she hadn’t really thought that far ahead.

“Have you chosen which brother?” Sophie asked gently.

Signy’s composure suddenly collapsed under the weight of her emotions. 

“I can’t! I’ve been agonizing over it all week! What’s best for them? What’s best for the country? I have no idea! I’m so scared I’ll hurt them… I don’t even know if I love either of them!”

“Oh child…” Sophie took her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to open a wound.” She pulled out a handkerchief and traded it for the egg basket so the younger woman could dry her eyes. She remained respectfully silent until Signy managed to collect herself.

“Sorry…. It’s just been so much.”

“Princess, have you ever heard the saying, ‘Couldn’t see the forest for the trees’?”

“Um …Yes?”

“I think you’ve been putting way too much pressure on yourself, struggling to find the best answer when it’s right under your nose.”

“Excuse me?”

Dame Sophie shook her head and held up her hands. “Just take a few steps back, mentally that is, and stop thinking about duties and responsibilities. Instead, focus on finding your friend and helping him navigate through this vulnerable state. He’ll be skittish, like a wounded deer, but your gentleness and understanding will eventually put him at ease.”

Signy bit her lip, nodding

Pretty much the same advice Ms. Roslin had given her. Clearly the universe was dropping some big hints.

“To that end,” Sophie continued, “I think it would be best if you spoke to him alone.”

She was right. Audwin wasn’t willing to listen to his brother earlier, and his unspoken rival’s presence would just serve to make him more defensive.

“Alright.”

Smiling, the older woman nodded toward her cottage. “Come on. Don’t want the Swan Prince to think I’ve abducted you.”

**oooOooo**

_“Go ahead, do what your heart desires!”_

_What was this? Why was it happening?_

_“Kill me, Signy! Go ahead and do it!”_

_His eyes were glowing blood red, lips twisted in a manic grin while her hand held the knife to his throat._

_Wait… no! Why was she holding the knife?!_

_“Free yourself from marrying me, and get rid of that useless prince! You don’t care, not really!”_

_She tried to pull her arm away but it didn’t cooperate. Not even a twitch._

_Signy tried to blink, swallow, or make a sound. But her body didn’t listen, as if under someone else’s control. The poisoned blade stayed were it was._

Snap out of it! _She screamed in her head._ You don’t want to do this! You love him!

_One slice, and he’d be gone forever. She’d never hear his voice, feel the touch of his hand, see his pleased smile when he made something new…_

_And Aldous… this would kill him too!_

_She didn’t know it then. She did now, and was imploding with panic._

_Her hand still wouldn’t obey._

You love him, Signy! Love is stronger than hate! You can’t lose them!

_She was practically screaming in her head, focusing on how that look on his face no longer disgusted her, but made her long to hold him. She tried to channel all the love she had for both brothers, romantic and platonic, and focused her entire being on it._

_Finally her hand jerked away._

_He blinked in momentary shock, before bursting into wild laughter._

_“You… you’d really marry me to save that idiot?! Oh you are something else!”_

_But she saw the unshed tears glimmering in his eyes._

_“Audwin…”_

_Suddenly the knife was ripped from her hand._

_Signy twirled around and gasped in horror as Aldous aimed the blade at his own chest, his eyes steely with determination._

_“She’s not marrying you! She isn’t marrying anybody she doesn’t want to!”_

_Signy tried to scream the word ‘no’ but could only make the faintest of sounds._

_He gave her a look of pure remorse before jamming the dagger between his ribs._

* * *

Her eyes flew open and gazed into darkness, her heart thundering like a drum.

Where was she? This wasn’t her room, it was…

Her heart stopped altogether as she realized she was in Audwin’s tower.

Had she fainted when Aldous…?

“Aldous! Audwin!”

Her voice came out a dry croak and went unanswered.

Signy threw off the blankets and tried to leap out of bed, but her legs got tangled in something. After some kicking and shoving she managed to extricate herself and get up.

“Audwin! Aldous! Can you hear me?!”

She ran back and forth in the room, looking for two bodies but finding none. This did little to comfort her.

Signy ran down the stairs to the next floor, and spotted something person-shaped on a bench by the hearth, covered by a blanket and motionless.

Gasping, she ran over, seeing that it was Audwin.

“Audwin wake up!” She started shaking him. “Please wake up!”

He did. Very dramatically.

“ _Hng!_ What? Wazzit?” He sat upright and started looking around.

“Oh thank God!” she nearly cried with relief. “You’re alive! Both of you!”

“Of course I’m alive!” Audwin growled irritably. “Who the hell said I wasn’t!”

“Aldous just tried to kill you! Both of you! And I…”

Then her brain started to catch up.

“And… it was… a dream.”

“Seems so.” Audwin muttered.

“But… it was so real.” Signy was still shaking. “I… I’m sorry… I just…”

Some part of her wondered if she should feel embarrassed. But she was too busy reeling.

Audwin’s annoyance quickly evaporated. “What happened?”

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and a sob bubbled in the back of her throat in spite of her insistence that she _would not cry._ “It’s nothing. I’m sorry, go back to sleep…”

She started to turn away, but he grabbed her hands. “It can’t be nothing if it’s making you cry!”

And with that, the strained threads holding her composure together snapped.

A ragged sob came out, a pitiful sound like a chair leg dragging against a wooden floor. “I-I tried to ki-kill you… just like… and then… and then Aldous… he… he stabbed himself just like… he did when…!”

All the emotions she’d been carrying these last few hours, and a few much older, crushed her under their weight.

“He grabbed the knife and… and stabbed himself… like at the banquet!” She finally managed.

Audwin’s grip tightened on her hands. “It was just a dream! It’s over now!”

“But you did… I really… he …!” She couldn’t even talk, the sobs sawing through her body like nothing she’d experienced before they nearly died, or after.

Audwin struggled, clearly at a loss but trying to comfort anyway. “It’s alright now. We’re alive.” He moved his hands to her shoulders. “Look at me. I’m alive. I’m talking to you. And that means Bird Brain’s alive too.”

Once again she flung her arms around him, burying her face into his shoulder. Audwin went ramrod straight.

“Hold me…” She begged. “Please.”

This time it only took him a second before he was holding her back, tightly, like he was trying to press the sorrow out of her.

At first it made her cry harder, knowing that she almost never had this moment. But he held her even tighter and it actually helped. He didn’t stroke her hair or back, nor did he murmur comforting platitudes. He was just _there_ , and it was all she needed.

Signy lowered herself on the bench and curled around him, while he in turn curled around her, encompassing her.

(And, she now belatedly realized, the thing she'd extricated herself from was the borrowed trousers, meaning she was now almost sitting in his lap wearing literally nothing but a large shirt that barely reached mid-thigh. So that added embarrassment to the mix.)

“Why…?” She finally sobbed. “Why did he do that?! Did he… did he really think I’d be ha-happy?!” 

“You’d be _free_.”

He said this quietly, but with complete understanding and conviction.

Of course he’d understand. Didn’t he just leave the castle for nearly the same reason?

Hiccupping, Signy gripped his shoulders and leaned back. “You two… all your self-sacrificing rubbish … it’s driving me crazy!”

He clenched his jaw. "This is why I left." 

"What?" 

"Everything I did is still hurting you. Even when I try not to, I keep hurting you."

She shook her head furiously. “No you don’t! It's…”

“I might not have been born with bad luck, but now I can’t stop creating it.” He gave a bitter laugh. “Oh God, the irony…”

“Stop it! It’s not just you! Everyone’s actions have far-reaching consequences! And you didn’t _make_ me try to kill you. That was my own decision!”

“But would you have made it if I hadn’t cursed Aldous and forced you to marry me?”

“No! But I could’ve chosen not to try! Just as Aldous could have chosen not to stab himself!”

“I cornered him, he was desperate!”

“Audwin, everyone has things they regret doing and saying! And even the kindest and best people in the world hurt others! That’s just what it means to be human!”

“How many humans ruin countless lives and nearly tear a kingdom… two kingdoms… apart just to hurt someone who didn’t hurt them?”

“A lot! Hundreds! Thousands! Because you weren’t truly wrong, humans can be pretentious and despicable creatures, but very few of them truly feel remorse for their wrongdoings and try to right them! But you... you had nobody teach you how to be good and kind, and now that you have, you’ve chosen that path and done everything you can to atone for your mistakes! You don’t know how rare that is!”

"It's not enough!" 

"Everyone with regrets says that! They give and give, but they say 'it's not enough'! Let me tell you something, it _is_ enough! You're enough!"

He looked so tired, but also longing, like the fight was leaving him.

“I really do love you.” Signy insisted. “As you are now, and as the man you’re becoming. The only reason it took me so long to realize it was because I’ve never felt it before, and I was so afraid of making a mistake and hurting you.”

“Then how do you _know_?”

“Because… you make me happy. Happier than anyone or anything. More than Aldous, or even the forest. And you’re the only person I can imagine spending the rest of my life with.” 

"But he's... perfect." 

"He's _not_ perfect. Nobody is." 

Then Signy remembered something. And she felt even more of her burden shed itself. 

"I _can't_ marry Aldous..." 

"Sure you can. You almost did once." 

"No, I can't. Because not only do I not love him that way, _but he doesn't truly love me."_

Audwin looked at her like she'd grown a second head. 'What are you talking about? He worships the ground you walk on!" 

"That's not love. Not real love. He just thinks it is." 

"You're not making any sense." 

"Audwin, do I ever annoy you?" 

He stared at her, bemused. "What?" 

"Do I ever annoy you, even just a little bit. Be honest." 

Audwin looked a bit wary, as if suspecting it was some kind of trick. "Sometimes... maybe, a little... not as much as you used to... but yes. Not that it's unbearable... Why the devil do you want to know a thing like that?" 

"I once asked Aldous that question not too long ago, and he insisted that I never annoyed him, ever. Not even the tiniest bit." 

"And that's... bad?" 

"It means he doesn't see me! Not the real me, anyway! He thinks I'm perfect, or at least could be if I tried, but I don't have to tell you what a ridiculous notion that is." 

"So that really isn't love?" 

"Not the kind you can build a successful marriage on. In spite of what books and fairytales might say. That's why I can't marry him. Yes, he'd be an amazing Prince Consort, but it wouldn't be fair to him. Eventually, he'd realize I'm not who he thought I was, and that's a hard thing to face." 

He looked exhausted. "The man who kisses your shadow doesn't really love you, but the man who gets annoyed when you're being stubborn and opinionated does." 

"So it seems." 

He went quiet and thought over this for several minutes. His eyes wandered the shelves, the books, the fireplace, then the ceiling.

"I will _never_ understand." Audwin finally pronounced.

Signy gave a huge sigh that felt like it was coming from her very bones. “Like I said, you don’t even have to love me back. I just wanted you to know…”

"I never said I _didn't_." He murmured face looking a bit redder than normal. 

Signy finally gave into the urge to brush his hair from his face. 

"I just don't want you to feel like you're trapped. That's the only reason I could have for not marrying you." 

He gave a faint laugh. "I've lived through Purgatory. Being a royal consort is nothing. But you'd be out of your mind for falling in love with a warped bastard like me."

Following an impulse, Signy leaned forward and gave him a light, brief kiss that left him frozen. Just long enough to take in the warmth from his lips.

“Am I out of my mind for falling in love with someone so ridiculous, loveable, charming, creative, caring, funny, and who seems to love me as much as I love him? _Maybe_.”

He blinked. His eyes moved slowly down to her mouth.

He, slowly, leaned forward to brush it with his own, before leaning back to regard her with complete seriousness.

“I still have no idea how to be a decent human being, and you could so much better, even if you married that obnoxious Prince Frederick…”

“Ferdinand?”

“… But I do know that I… that I really… I also… “He struggled for a bit, with mounting frustration. “I l… I lo… Damn it all, why’s this so _hard_?”

Signy tried not to laugh, she really did.

“… I feel the same.” He finally said with a defeated sigh. “Though, for whatever reason, I _physically can’t_ say the words.”

This time she did laugh, harder than she had all week, sagging against him.

“Am I that pitiful?” He asked, though there was humor in his voice.

“No… no, you’re not! You’re wonderful!”

Once again, he slowly wrapped her in his arms, fingers sinking into her curls. “If I can really make you happy…”

He let it hang in the air. 

Once again, Signy closed the distance between them.

One kiss became two, then three, then she lost count, each one longer until they all seemed to merge together.

In some way it felt almost like they’d been doing it for years, yet in many ways it was still exciting and new it gradually evolved from chaste presses to a more languid, velvety open mouthed push-pull.

She could do this for hours.

She could do this her entire life.

She was sinking into him, melting, until he was filling all her senses. One of them sighed, but she wasn’t sure who. Her hands softly touched his face, slowly moving back to cradle his skull and thread her fingers in his hair.

Signy was already feeling a little breathless and dizzy, but not in a bad way.

Then Audwin sucked on her lower lip, and the action made her shiver and press closer. It felt… different. But so nice.

When he lightly bit down Signy gave a faint gasp and felt something curl and tingle in her lower belly.

Then he ran his tongue over the bite and a sound she could only describe as wanton emitted from the back of her throat, which he eagerly swallowed with a faint moan. She pressed even closer, until her front was almost plastered to his.

He pulled away and briefly murmured something that sounded like, “We should…” Into the humid space between them, before returning like he couldn’t help himself. Then tongues started getting involved and she felt like she was on fire.

This was so new. Almost obscene. Her head was just clear enough to know where this was heading, but not care one wit.

HE finally pulled his mouth away and she almost whined, only to moan when his lips attached themselves to her chin and trailed lazily along her jaw before moving to her neck. She started shifting around restlessly on his legs, needing _something_.

She wasn’t entirely sure how it started. She only knew the creeping urgency, the temptation for just a little more, a little _more_ … and that her body kept fidgeting with a mind of its own.

It was probably when she copied his earlier action and bit his lip and he responded by giving a harsh, wild sound from the back of his throat and arching his hips up involuntarily, and Signy felt something unmistakable brush against her.

They started moving against each other, half consciously, the pressure and friction on her bare core drove her insane, and knowing she’d gotten this reaction from the most dangerous and alluring man she’d ever met made her feel drunk.

Some part of her wondered if they were moving things too fast. She decided she didn’t. Bloody. CARE.

At this point they were only kissing in the loosest sense, slack presses between gasps as the throb between her legs wound tighter, tighter, slowly tighter…

She pressed down harder to chase the sensation, mewing while he groaned softly into her shoulder. It was almost too much, yet definitely not quite enough, like a growing itch under her skin. Her focus narrowed on that and the feeling of him around her.

It remained just out of reach, whatever she was looking for, and some vague frustration made her whimper. She _needed_ it, like she needed air.

Whether he picked up in this or just by happy coincidence, Audwin’s hand slipped a little under the hem of her shirt, asking breathlessly “What if I…?”

‘Yes!” She wasn’t sure what he was asking, but knew she’d love it.

He felt around, before rubbing the pad of his thumb over the knot at the top of her mound where all the sensation was gathering, and Signy jerked with a small cry.

Oh goodness, that felt…

He did it again, rubbing back and forth while her hips moved against his touch like they had a mind of their own.

“Beautiful,” He said on a ragged moan, “Oh God, _Signy_ …”

This was what she was needing. This direct pressure on a very sensitive place while she felt the hot ridge underneath her and she started to imagine it all without clothes, just hot skin and…

Something grew and swelled, winding tighter, begging for a little more, a little more… like a wave gathering force.

“Ah… Something’s…”

“Let go.” He panted. “I’ve got you.”

Suddenly it burst in waves of pleasure and her whole body shook with the force of it, her lungs pushing a keen out of her mouth.

She kept moving through the smaller ripples that fallowed, chasing each and every one, slowly melting. Underneath her Audwin tensed and shuddered with a choked off moan of “Oh _fuck_.”

When he collapsed on his back, she went with him, the two of them hot and panting like they’d been running uphill.

Signy felt a sort of giddy disbelief as her mind caught up with it all.

_Did we just…?_

She’d heard about something like this from the maids and guards talking amongst themselves, either not knowing she was near, or when she was in disguise. But she had no _idea_ …

“Did that really happen?”

Audwin’s arms draped possessively over her. “Either that, or I’m having that dream again.”

_Again?!_

“Ask me.” He whispered, sounding serious.

She was still trying to get over what he just said. “Ask what?”

“Will I marry you?”

Signy blinked, mouth falling open.

“Do… do you really want…?”

“More than anything.”

She bit her lip, pressing her eyes shut as tears, happy ones, swam into her vision. Finally she took a deep breath and raised herself up on her elbows to look at him.

His face looked serene, and impossibly soft.

“Will you _please_ marry me?”

His lips curled up. “Gladly.”

* * *

They were both so tired they slept in until noon the following day. By then her clothes were completely dry and she was able to immediately change into them.

After a short breakfast of bread and dried fruit they set out back to the castle, Audwin carrying his shrunken possessions in a bag probably made to hold spare change, as well as a new hag stone for Dame Sophie in replacement for the one now lying in that creek somewhere. 

Signy did not let go of his hand the whole way. Or else he didn’t let go of hers.

It was a reasonably pretty day, but her joyous mood made everything seem even better, clearer. She almost felt light enough to fly if she flapped her arms hard enough, and indeed like everything would turn out alright.

Audwin smiled more than she’d ever seen him do before. Not his usual smirk, but that real, soft smile that she’d only glimpsed on rare occasions. A few times he ducked down to kiss her real quick, as if just enjoying the fact he could.

They might not have taken their sweet time returning, but they didn’t exactly rush, either.

The sun had just set by the time they were close enough for Aldous to see them and come running out with a look that was equal parts worried and relieved.

“Thank goodness you’re both okay! Audwin, to you have any idea…?!”

“Yes I do.” He interrupted, though not in a snarky tone. “It was thoughtless of me.”

Aldous blinked, taken short. “Yes… well, glad you recognize it.”

Then his gaze caught their joined hands and stayed there.

Signy bit the inside of her cheek.

She could see the recognition, then dawning realization, then sadness, and her heart broke a little. 

What should she say?

“Aldous, I…”

He looked back up and shook his head, managing a bittersweet smile. “Can’t say I never saw it coming.”

“W-what?”

She briefly remembered her father's and Ms. Roslin’s surprise when she learned Signy had no preference between them.

“However,” he regarded Audwin with a bit more seriousness. “I still have a bone to pick with you, concerning that sleeping spell.”

Audwin had the sense to look abashed, and Signy tried not to laugh. “Yes, about that…’

“We’ll talk later.” Aldous waved his hand dismissively and smiled again. “You two better let everyone know you’re back.”

Signy felt herself smile. “You’re right. And a bite to eat, while we’re at it.”

Much as it might hurt now, Aldous was clearly willing to move on and go with whatever made them happy, and she felt at peace with that.

The three of them walked into the castle, Audwin on her left and Aldous on her right. The two most important people in her world.

She could not ask for more.

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel is up next! And it's even steamier!


End file.
